A personal pilgrimage to the Muskokas

I want to begin here by first sharing with you what a pilgrimage is. When people hear this word they often think of disciples of a guru, spiritual leader or religion who are going on a long quest to receive spiritual wisdom. It isn't far off from accurate, but in reality it is much simpler than that.

A pilgrimage is where an individual - often called a pilgrim - journeys to a sacred place for religious or spiritual reasons. Really though, all life is sacred and you can do this for any faith or spirituality you find yourself called to. We do this with the intention to deepen into ourselves and our journey through the channels of the soul.

In October 2022 when I went to Scotland for the first round of my Shamanic Practitioner training, our teacher had us journey to the place of greatest blessing in our home country. She said that in this journey we will also receive a symbol that will give us greater insights.

On my journey I ended up on the bank of the Muskoka lakes in Ontario. I saw myself there at various times of the year with the summer sun, the spring flowers, the falling leaves of autumn and the wintery ice and snow.

The symbol that came to me was a maple leaf. It fell into the water and floated towards me. I picked it up and found myself enchanted by it. It was a representation of "the sweetness of life" as the Muskoka lakes were often a place where I could relax and tune inwards when I was younger. I would go for many weeks in the summer by invitation from family friends and found myself in silence often, surrounded by nature and just loving solitude.

It was here I developed a love for tea drinking, speaking to the trees, sitting in silence, feeling the warmth of a fire, listening to the whispers, being myself... it was in this place that I took those first steps with spirit. Where I learned pleasure of just being, the power of presence and the infinite amount of possibilities available to me in my life. The entire world came alive for me in this magical part of Ontario.

We came out of the journey and our teacher shared with us that this was the place where we would be doing our personal pilgrimage to. She shared that we would have to journey again for more details on what to do and that as we set out for it, it would evolve with us. She also recommended that do things differently than how we would normally do them.

Once I returned to Canada, I had a strong feeling that I needed to book it for February 1st - the time of Imbolc or Brigid's Day. I would never naturally go north in the middle of winter as it can get so intensely cold and the roads can get pretty bad. I also decided to book it with my husband as we hardly ever go on trips together, especially not cold ones!

The time was drawing nearer, and I had set the intention of letting go what needed to go and welcoming what wanted to come for the festival of Imbolc. I journeyed once again to receive further insights on what to do for the pilgrimage. When I did the Celtic Omen Days practice, I already had received the message that February was about being a light in the dark and for the wisdom of the heart to shine through. This journey was very specific though, as I thought it would be.

The pilgrimage was to be about the sweetness of life through the eyes of my inner child. The journey also told me to have tea, toast and fruit (the foods I usually ate when I was in Muskoka), to be playful and relax into the spirit of my inner child because a big part of my joy and radiance was lost in the last decade, and my inner younger Emily was the only one who could bring it back. I pulled a card too and it was the Full Moon card telling me "You are good enough". 

The night before Feb 1st, I tied a scarf to the tree outside for Brigid to bless and dreamed of her many times throughout the night. I even thought I woke up and saw her standing in the room at one point. In the morning I grabbed the scarf and I felt it ping my memory with the scent of Lily of the Valley. 

We started packing and went out to get groceries and saw two trumpeter swans swimming together. A sign of grace and purity. The next three days were already speaking to us.

We packed up and set out. The roads were completely clear from start to finish. No traffic or stops or bad winter conditions, which is rare.

We got there at 4:30pm and unpacked to settle in. I couldn't relax for the first hour until we sat out watching the expanse of snow over the lake and finally I relaxed and cried. A heaviness I was carrying on my shoulders melted when I realized I didn't have anything "to do". We had a lovely dinner and settled in for a journey.

On this first journey I held the intention to meet my inner child to receive the healing I came here for. I immediately went to one of the most traumatic and life changing moments of my past. In this experience that was recurring in my youth from about age 7-10, I had to sacrifice what I wanted and go against what I felt was right to survive and endure. So much so that I forced myself to enjoy it so I could get through it. When I finally sought support and chose to be vulnerable to someone I thought I could trust, there was no support and instead I was silenced and indirectly shamed. I want you to know that this experience no longer has hold on me and I do not hold a grudge for it anymore, nor do I see myself as a victim so please do not put me into that box. This experience was shown to me on this journey for the reason that the belief and story it created for me was that I have to sacrifice who I am and what I want to receive happiness, joy and pleasure and that even if I do that, I still won't be supported by anyone.

This belief is a repetitive pattern in my life and it was time for me to let it go. My guide Danu who journeys with me every time gave me the gift of strength to be whole again and to feel pleasure FIRST, as well as my five guides appearing before me to say "We are with you forever now" meaning that they can be called upon whenever I need them. I've felt them all very strongly since this journey, it's quite beautiful. I will also say that the 5th guide was new to me but one I felt coming for a while. I always have a huge Irish Wolf, an Indigenous male chief, Goddess Danu and Goddess Brigid, and the new one was the Abundance Bee. That's literally what he called himself. All to guide me to clear and discover myself that much deeper.

Reading this might not seem super big to you but for me and my journey it is massive. The amount of times I've tried to do something with little to no support or success or joy in my life is too great to count. I even have tears in my eyes writing this now and remembering how big this felt, to know that I don't have to follow that path anymore.

I went to bed feeling lighter and an immense sense of gratitude in my heart as the snow began falling really intensely. This feeling continued to flow into my dreams that night.

The next morning was cold but beautiful and the snow was really coming down. We had tea and toast and then got dressed and cozied up by the fireplace. With the snow darkening the external world and the slowness of the morning, it felt like we were kids on a snow day from school!

I decided to spend the day doing the things I love but often have little time for - knitting and reading. I learned to knit when I was seven but recently picked it up again after a long hiatus. For the first time in my life I picked up my needles and knit just for me. It changed the experience entirely for me. Since I was seven I knit solely for my dolls, family or friends. Never for myself. The garments I've made and worn have a loving energy that I've never experienced before, I feel both my own love and the love of the spirit that I brought to life in the creation. It's fantastic. Knitting on this trip was fun and easy as it once was, and not having an ulterior motive for it paired with my inner-child healing was deeply affirming.

I realized while I was reading that I rarely, if ever, give myself time or a single day a month to make the entire day just for enjoyment. There is always some "to do" peppered into it and in some ways that feels like it robs me of the sacredness of doing something just for the sake of doing it.

The rest of the day floated around with this slowness, memories of youth and the healing from the night before mixed in with some Brigid wisdom.

The second journey I took on the second night was with the intention of working with my inner child to continue recovering the sweetness of life.

On this journey I was first asked by Danu to "just walk with me" and so we did for the first few moments. Then I was shown three separate moments in my life. The version of me before age seven when the trauma happened; the me who used to do many hours of dance a week and was full of zest for life; and the person I was right before I met my husband. The common thread between these experiences was that I was fully activated in my inner child and as such fully embodying the sweetness of life.

My guides showed me that inner child healing is about re-parenting yourself and nurturing yourself, which I had done a lot of in the past, but it is also about play and innocence, enjoying some time free of responsibility knowing that the great spirit holds you, being taken care of and having fun and doing whatever you want to do. Giving yourself the opportunity to live and be like a kid.

These three time snaps from my past held that for me. I still had responsibility but somewhere within me I gave myself permission to be in that child-like joy energy of life, to do things just for the sake of doing them and not for the sake of learning or growing. Just like kids - they don't catch frogs to gather as many frogs as possible, they just do it because it's something to do. This energy is what I need to fully feel the sweetness of life again.

Shortly after all three of these moments in my life, I had what many would consider setbacks or soul-rattling experiences that slowly killed the plants in my soul garden. Danu responded with "Don't let them ruin your whole garden, it's time to weed and move on. Forgive and let go so your inner child can be free." 

I came out of that journey, wrote it all down and felt like I took the deepest breath I've ever taken. The truth I felt in these words was very eye opening and beautiful.

I had been feeling a strong sense of loss in my heart for a while but I couldn't figure out what it was, I felt this was it. This was the loss I was feeling that I needed to reclaim and return to my being.

I continued this experience by doing a self-reiki treatment while also receiving reiki from my husband at the same time while draped in the scarf that Brigid blessed on the eve of Imbolc. It was the most healing reiki treatment I've ever had. We then had a lovely evening and went to bed well rested and feeling giddy and happy together. I saw the energy of the journey continuing in my external world.

The next morning we woke up and just relaxed, enjoying reading, laughing, talking about life and how to welcome more of this sweetness in. We had chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast to finish off the inner child pilgrimage with the essence of the symbol of maple in every bite. It was -28ºC (-18ºF) that morning, so we did something we've always wanted to try for fun. We filled up a cup with boiling hot water and threw it out into the cold air and watched it turn to mist before our eyes. It was a great way to end the pilgrimage - with a little bit of harmless fun!

The whole experience was very eye opening for my personal journey and I feel like my eyes are looking upon a different world and a different woman when I look in the mirror. We both agreed that we want to do this every year as my husband made his own pilgrimage of sorts out of it as well.

The threads of inner child healing continued in the following days for me with wild synchronicities, but I feel that the biggest gift in this was receiving insights on how to embrace the sweetness of life. It helped me reclaim my joy, play, fun, laughter and pleasure of just being and doing for the sake of being and doing.

In deep gratitude and reverence to the land, the plants, the guides, the practices and all the spirits for this insight and guidance on my journey.

In reasonless joy,
Emily